My Name is Balbir I was born in Africa and my family immigrated to England in 1974.

I was raised in a devout Sikh family where love and respect to one another was taught. I would accompany my family to the temple every Sunday. I always knelt on my knees and did not sit crossed legged as we were required to do so at the temple. I made many attempts to understand and connect with my Gurus but there was always emptiness inside of me.

As a family we enjoyed watching Jesus of Nazareth. (This was a TV series from the late 70`s early 80`s.) I found his message so inspiring. The film portrayed him as a bridge to God. I was amazed by his power to heal, His sincerity to His people and His unique appearance which came across as a peaceful, calming figure. (This person had an AURA about him that mesmerized me).

At the age of 15 ½ my parents had arranged my engagement to a boy from India whom I had never met or seen and by the age of 17, I was married here in England.

From this point forward my life changed drastically not for the better but for the worst. For the first 3 years of marriage, he was unemployed. This created frustration for him and resentment and anger towards me. I was his punch bag. He continually told me how I was the unluckiest person in the family and forever compared me to my Sister in Laws - that they were better than me. He would hit me if I questioned him, (on any issue or subject) and in front of my two young sons told me that I was a slave in his house. He controlled me and told me to commit suicide. He showed me no respect and continually belittled me. It was mental torture.

Over the years I lost my confidence, I had no self worth and I was at the point of no return. I was never in love with him but I still respected him as he was my husband as this was the way I was brought up. But my marriage felt like a prison sentence. I was suffocating. This man had such control over my life that emptiness filled my heart and hopelessness engulfed me. I became depressed. But even in my depression, I still had some faith. I never stopped believing in God. He helped me through my darkest hours and my most troublesome days.

Infact I even wanted to become a nun because I felt that it was a way of getting close to God. I wanted to serve him and find peace and comfort in my trouble. I found solace in keeping a diary which detailed my thoughts, my pain and my suffering. I often wrote prayers which gave me inner peace.

My immediate family were not aware of my situation. I kept it from them out of respect for my Mum and Dad. In spite of this my Mother was concerned as I had lost an awful lot of weight.

After 15 years of marriage I divorced my husband in 1995 and went back to live with my parents with my two sons. Still searching for peace I went to the Sikh temple and prayed to the Guru's and read the Punjabi Gurbani (Holy book). However my questions remained unanswered. In 1998 I wrote in my diary that 'I would only follow Jesus Christ' - but to this day I do not understand why or what made me write this.

8 years ago I met a lady whilst doing a Business Planning course. She invited me to her house and for some reason I confided in her and told her what I was going through. She gave me a book "Word for today" and a Bible which I'd seen on her coffee table. I read the word for today but I placed the Bible on top of my cupboard and said to myself that I was a Sikh and not a Christian. She invited me to St Martins Church in the Bullring and I accepted her invitation. The moment I first walked into a church was a moment I will never forget I felt so much peace and tranquillity.

Then 6 years ago I met someone and started a relationship. For the first time in my life I felt loved. We were both so in love but it was difficult to spend time together because of my family commitments. Then suddenly after 5 years together he told me that he had found somebody else and that his feelings had changed.

I could not believe what I was hearing. This broke me, he was my world. I trusted him and he abandoned and betrayed me. I was devastated. My life felt like it was all over again.....I felt empty, my heart broken and my soul destroyed. My confidence hit rock bottom and I was so lonely again. One evening still feeling hopeless and so despondent I was on my knees and cried out to Jesus, "Help Me ". Then I asked "What am I to do Lord?"

I was desperate for answers, I was finding the situation extremely difficult to deal with - even the kids noticed there was something wrong. As the weeks went by I continuously repeated to myself: - "In the name of Jesus Christ and My Guru's I am positive, I am loved, I am confident, I am prosperous."